For what ever reason right now at this moment I am overtaken with a feeling that cries out to the world…I am here! I am here today; that is a gift. There are days I wake up and there s such a struggle to move forward, to get past the weight of past circumstances or beliefs and then there are days where you know deep down there is a change coming.
A Mark Twain quote keeps filling my head:
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
And today as I was reading a book this quote by Natasha Brown resonated:
“I’ve learned that if you have a power, you are obligated to use it.”
I wish I could say that today I have found these things and suddenly know exactly what to do, but I can’t. What I can say is that when I ask myself these potent questions my mind explodes with emotion and joy and to some extent…terror.
This has been a year of asking myself what I want, not what do I think I want or what should I do, but what do I want and who do I want to be as I go through this life. These are harder questions than we think because once you answer them there is an obligation to make it happen. A contract with yourself that you can no longer avoid signing. A contract that has blank lines to be filled in at a later date and that takes courage. I don’t always believe I have that kind of courage, but I can tell you I know it would be in the contract.
These days I ask myself what my true values are and if the choices I make are in line. Sometimes yes and sometimes no, however I’ll admit I haven’t signed that contract yet. I’m waiting for something, an answer of some sort and I have no idea what it is, but I have to believe it will come. Until then, well…I’m working on it. I suppose that’s the important part.