It is fascinating how one’s mind bends when it’s thrown for a loop. Focus becomes a consistent struggle and multitasking is impossible. It’s like there are a bunch of gnomes buzzing around in there with their own personal agenda and no care for what I need right now.
This is what happens when you like to be in control, then life decides makes decisions for you. There are choices to be made. Priorities shift and time is no longer about planning and scheduling, but simply dealing and facing the reality of what must be done.
I would have thought this type of situation would send me off the deep end. In the past, anxiety would take over and anger would set in. I do not like not having my way or being pushed in a direction that wasn’t in my plan, but perhaps it’s a gift. I say that because in the past it has not been my reaction, however now is different. Now my priorities are about what I need literally, physically, mentally and so on. There can be no one else in the equation.
Oddly, there is a certain kind of peace in that.
So to the gnomes playing various games in my head right now…play on. I will sit here and breathe until you are done. Then I will breathe again, release control over all those outside distractions, settle down and take care of me.