As I lie at your side,
I remember why I’m here.
You are the love that brings me home.
A heart to dance with as we rest quietly nuzzled together.
Our breath in cadence, our dreams exploring, our bodies connected.
It is here I can be me, alone untethered,
and still with you.
The flags clanked and rattled against the poles behind me in the Autumn wind restless like I was wandering in my sleeplessness. I became dazzled by the light from the dock floating over the water creating a haze. My eyes adjusted and granted me permission to acknowledge the texture of the trees on the hill across the river and over the island to find only the slow freight trudging along the mountain; a gentle hum sharing in my loneliness.
The more I learn to live in today, the more I can breathe and be present. In the moment the fear of tomorrow doesn’t exist. My insecurities disappear. There is no room in this moment for the fodder my brain makes up to hold me down.
The colors in my head are vibrant. I’m not quite sure how to replicate them on canvas or in words, but I want to interpret them through my soul. I find the vividness exhilarating. Brilliant hues, purple, blue and yellow. Greens are filling the skies with splashes like voices scattered through my heart; the light is shining. The inspired craving of excitement and longing but, also fulfillment. Once I find this key, this bit of time that I can perceive and project there will be a new meaning to my life. It’s like when you close your eyes and the shapes behind your lids move like a lava lamp, growing, and shrinking. Bright then gone to black to be replaced by something new. Yellow perhaps. The dance is impactful, and I hold it tightly to me knowing I will need to let it go. There is silence, and yet the music plays. There is sadness yet, I feel a growing joy. I can’t explain it at all, but I know somehow I need to share this gift, this internal maze that is the essence of who I am. The bright colors under the surface, the light pulsing in an effortless means to escape. The truth is there, within the walls of my mind, flowing down to my heart, to my stomach, to my toes. It runs like a river in and out, up and down. The blood pumping, racing yet still, with moments of contentment. Finally, I find it, slowly coursing, inviting me towards it. A ghost, reaching for me in fuchsia with purple edges gleaming. I know I cannot resist. I lie down, comforted, surrounded, and hovering within myself. I am finding love. The melody spins me. I’m dizzy with delight, calm. I am ready to grow, to break free to release the light, the colors, the gifts, to share them outwardly with the world. To know who I am and where I stand. It is in this release that I will find myself.