Don’t let the pain beat out the joy. Feel it, process it; it’s real. Then let the light in. Breathe. Release the tightness inside and choose. Choose moving forward, the weight is yours alone to let go.
As she swept
the book out from
her lap so came
all interpretations of
trickling down the binding
I love when I see something and the words spill forth in pure inspiration completely out of my control. This poem came to me after seeing a provocative image a friend posted on Instagram with the note…”Many interpretations…all accurate.” Thank you, Vesta
Reaching toward indecent exposure
My body writhes inside.
Gasping with each incomparable breath,
Waiting to exhale with no relief.
Heat relieving pressure
Where hands play conforming to my shape.
Bodies melding in the molten fire of one being;
Today I walked. My legs simply wanted to move, my face wanted to feel the cool breeze on my skin. So I walked. After 20 blocks or so I saw a church. My body stopped and I turned to see it was open. With no hesitation, I went up the steps and opened the door to a space lacking people, yet filled with a silence I needed.
Its not often I simply let my body guide me without interruption. I chose a pew about a quarter of the way down the aisle and sat, without the usual signals I see others display. Their rituals are not mine and I have accepted that. I just sat and took it in. The light, the design, the wood, the books, and the smell; slightly old and dusty with a touch of people.
I honored the sacred statuary with a deep appreciation of my past and a true gratitude for my present. I felt the open arms welcome me in my moment of solace. I do not embrace the institution of religion, I never have; instead I listen with an open heart and hear the call of many. However, I am awed by sacred houses, places to pray together or alone. Places where judgement and self flagellation are meant to be left at the door.
I was only going to sit a moment and move on, but instead I meditated. I sat alone with God, together. I opened my heart and released my mind. I felt for the first time in a long time the wholeness of my being and quieted my monkey mind to hear myself again. I acknowledged my pain and I believe now, that it will fade.
Today I went to a church and wept. I wept for my struggle, I wept for my heart and for my consciousness. I wept because I let myself be heard in my own heart. As I occupied these hallowed moments, I was consecrated, renewed.
The world begins to open once we stop making decisions before we know the questions. I have seen in the past few months a huge change in how people respond to me. I somehow thought, as I think many of us do, that if someone were interested in me they would approach me or make an effort. I however, was so wrapped up in my own need to feel special that it never dawned on me that others feel that way too. Insecurities are not mine alone they belong to the most capable, beautiful and talented people among us.
As human beings we somehow have this deep seeded need to be seen and heard. All too often we forget to reveal ourselves. Saying hello isn’t always enough to break through. It can take not one but three, five or even ten conversations to build a connection; a desire to personally get to know one another.
The reality is not everyone sticks. Some people just don’t connect. Sometimes it’s personal but more often than not; time, work, family, health, etc all play a roles. We may get lucky and make friends, but generally our lives are filled with wonderful and interesting acquaintances. What’s important is that we connect over and over. We need to try again and again. If not we miss out on unforeseeable opportunities or quite possibly a life changing connection.
There is a reason for saying hello, for making an effort, for welcoming someone in. Every effort opens our hearts and our lives to abundance. Saying yes to relationships on any level expands our personal worlds. Relationships are both a gift and a necessity for growth.
There is no clear answer to who will play huge role in our lives until they reveal themselves. It can be a simple word of advise, a life changing opportunity or the simple security of trust in another human being. Whatever it is; do not close off your heart. Open your life. Welcome change. Give and take as needed. Know that your existence means as much to others as theirs means to you. Cherish the relationships in your life both big and small. These relationships are a foundation for how we view and live in this world.